New Year Supply

Empty bottle
Chosen time
Stained wine glass, empty mind
Under layers of want and desire
Quilts of patched dreams
Princess and pea mattresses
Climb down and understand
The Comforter

A prince from my ancestral motherland
Foreigner, brother
We speak each other’s languages
He is fluent in my colloquial asides
And I express bodily
What the athlete in him can champion

I expect magic in the New Year
I demand, but respectfully
I confirm the promise
The hope mixed w/ blood and wine
Only the timing has me confused
Like being at the bottom of the sea
Can’t think clearly
Surfacing is like a vision of immortality

If I felt everything f/long ago
I’d cry in your arms
Relieved and imprisoned
Angry and still hidden
Far above you, but below my calling

I perceive a new thing

The astrologer says this passing year was the most auspicious
This month my last chance
I’m above astrologers
Having studied the stars all my life
Heaven opens for me

I perceive a new thing
My arms are open wide
I’ve gathered all the empty vessels
My neighbors supplied
I’m pouring the oil of faith
As I’m pouring, I’m supplied

Piece together

Self contained virgin mother
Having known a divine lover
The father of the firstborn
First fruits and birthrights
And old stories passed on in journeys
To grandparents’ house

The whore becomes the chosen wife
Birth a hero w/insight
To lead the desert vagabonds
She draws f/the wishing well @ high noon
Sweat labored lonely, a priestess of the moon
Once worshiping the goddess in greenest groves
Renounce what is dead
Embrace life, heart beating sacrifice
Hear the trumpets and future love crumble
Down walls of previous existence

Gabriel calls the virgin youth in me
Heaven opens up above my skull
My child is already born
My daughter Dove

Abstinence obliterates the memory
Of intrusion, bodily fluid confusion
Lust I knew well
To conquer was to be conquered
I’ve nearly forgotten
What I recall is enough
Piece together fragmented memories
Years of faithful coupling
Smells, weekend marathons
Now shadows in my muscles and tendons

I’ve loved the most those I’ve never tasted
The ones connected by experience
Having no need to nullify
In animal husbandry

I loved the most the father of my child
Years of blissful unfinished karma
End in blistered hate

Elusive to me

Remember when I did it for curiosity
For lust
Finally for love
Which was creation

I miss him after all
After so many broken hearts
And wasted tears
Fruitless dreams
It was all sex in the end
Abandoned friendship
Abandoned offspring

I left you
A choice
To be better
To chose to be the hero
And you chose cowardice

Its must be love
Or sickness
Probably loneliness
To still miss you
To wish you could see yourself
In our daughter
To see you hold her
Enjoy her
Witness you understand some part of her
Elusive to me

Then and Now Still

It’s a night full of tears
Gushing wounds of a slain soldier
Last bubbling breaths
Gurgling life fluids
Vacant eyes full of pain
Beyond distain and hate is shame
Just a shame our story
Could have mended
Bridged gaps of mistakes w/space
And recent experience
Could have tried for the young child’s sake
Should have succumbed, for other’s innocence
Preserving a childhood dream of holy trinity

Passion is blind
Love is health
I was so sick with you, then and now still
So ill and festering, pestering each other to little deaths
Almost walked down a blind aisle over
Made a side escape on a mountain trail
The wedding bed on the side of the foothill

So blind
We lusted each other together for years
Lust wasn’t worth the tears
Then and now still
My eyesight is better w/o you
I can live w/o passion, w/o you
For a while
Though I miss it like a cigarette
I miss it w/ a glass of wine, or two
Been drinking too much wine lately
Then and now still
I miss it alone in bed at night
I miss sharing a joke to ease the time
I’ve become so self-contained
A ticking time bomb
Cool metal canister containing
Unseeing explosions
I’m imploding like a dark star all the time
And no witness, no unheard of amateur astronomer
Has yet observed this
No man-made instrument can capture this
Only angelic messengers who’ve seen it all before
They see and ignore
Then and now still